


I face fear and leave with scars

by ScifiSOS



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Into the Fade, Oneshot, Slight spoilers, mentions of past rape, taunting fear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-16
Updated: 2015-01-16
Packaged: 2018-03-07 19:36:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3180638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScifiSOS/pseuds/ScifiSOS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story goes into the Fade and into the fears of my characters.</p><p>Everyone has fears. Some have had scars left behind because of that fear. They have faced and triumphed, fallen into, and pushed their way out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I face fear and leave with scars

**Author's Note:**

> **WARNING:** mentions/implication of past rape.  
>  I may have butchered the elven and qunari language a bit. Even the religion.  
> http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Qunlat  
> http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Elven_language  
> http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Chant_of_Light
> 
> My Characters:  
> Vayla Lavellan - Inquisitor  
> Ghewen Lavellan - clan mate  
> Shok Adaar - husband to Herah Adaar
> 
> Into the Fade disappointed me in a way. They didn't have the fear demon poke at the Inquisitor. And it didn't continue to whisper to the group once it got everyone. Putting seeds of doubt. Hardening the group along the way. 
> 
> I'll put an explanation for each at the end. This was me practicing at my characters background. Still vague.

“FUCK!” She screamed as they fell, eyes shut tight. She wanted to bring up her barrier but it would not help. Why the fuck would it help- they were falling to their deaths!

The wind rushing past them, she can hear the others. Vayla is probably long gone and-

She grunts as she lands…more softly than she thought she would. She opens her eyes.

“By the creators…” She gets up feeling as confused and lost. She looks around for the others and let out a sigh of relief. Shok, Solas, Blackwall, Bull, Stroud, Hawke, and Vayla. Everyone was unharmed and safe, well…sort of.

Wait – is…Stroud and Hawke standing _sideways?_

“W-We were falling, is this…? Are we dead?”

“No.”

The group all turned to Solas. The elf’s gaze taking in their location. “This is the Fade.” He turned towards Vayla, who was looking down at her mark. “The Inquisitor opened a rift. We came through…” He sounded breathless, and amazed. “And survived.”

Ghewen watched him, seeing a small smile as he continued to gush. She wanted to roll her eyes, but decided to observe her surroundings. It is rocky, light is a sickly green, damp – why did it have to be wet? She groaned and pouted a little. 

“Well…we’ll never find out by standing around. Let’s go.”

Ghewen blinked when she felt someone touch her gently. She looked to Solas, who looked concerned and excited. She gave him a reassuring smile and began following the group.

\-----  
“For fuck’s sake, stop praying!” Bull growled at the other qunari. Shok gave him a weak glare but silenced his prayers. Ghewen walked up next to him. He looked down at her and she gave him a blinding smile. He nodded, his shoulders relaxed a bit at seeing a comrade so calm.

They continued a little further and then…

“Is that….Divine Justinia?”  
\------  
“Solas.”

“Yes, Ghewen?”

“I’m not sure I like this part of the Fade. The dream fade is much nicer.”

Solas gave her a glance. She swallowed and held her staff tightly to her. “Do not fear it, ma vhenan, it will only empower the fear demon.”

“I don't fear it, per say, I just don't like it’s… _cozy_ …little domain.” She sighed and began skipping in hopes to lighten the mood.

Solas watched her with a smile.  
\-----  
 **“Saarebas, do you love your wife?”**

Ghewen watched as the qunari mage startled in surprise. He refocused and brought down his spirit blade on the fear demon's projections, but Ghewen could see him wavering as it continued. 

**“Katara, Saarebas! They cried for your death, but she saved you didn’t she?”**

“Parshaara!” He cried out. Ghewen stepped away from the battle to strike from a distance. Hoping to help Shok when he lost his concentration.

**“Tell me, Saarebas, what will you do when you repay her with her demise?”**

Shok froze, the demon hit its mark. Ghewen cried out to the qunari, shooting lighting at the spider coming behind him. 

“Do not let him get to you Shok!” Vayla called out. “You would never harm Herah!”

**“Will her Maker save you then, Saarebas?”**

“The demon feeds from your fear, Shok! Surely your wife knows you are above helping demons!” Solas called out. That seemed to shake the qunari maged out of it. He gripped his staff and began shooting off fireballs.

**“Shok ebasit hissra. Meraad astaarit, meraad itwasit, aban aqun. Maraas shokra. Anaan esaam Qun. You cannot struggle against what you are.”**

“Parshaara! ‘Magic is meant to serve man, and never to rule over him!’” Ghewen stared wide-eyed as fire began to rise from him.

“Ghewen! Solas! Barriers!”

**“A dangerous _thing.”_**

She quickly called up a barrier for Solas, Shok, and herself. While Solas took care of the others.

“ATAASH VARIN KATA!” Shok shouted as he sent out waves of fire. The spiders panicked and scattered aimlessly as they burned. “’Her touch was like fire that did not burn. And by her touch, I was made pure again.’“

Everyone stood still as the mage calmed the flames and himself. When it was clear, there were no more enemies. Bull gave a hearty, yet strained, laugh and smacked Shok on the back. “Not bad! We HAVE to get you angry again sometime and see what happens.”

Bull’s only answer was a grunt.  
\----

They continued through the fade, recovering more of Vayla’s memories of what happened at the Conclave. Ghewen had tried to confront her about it, but was brushed off. 

“We have other concerns about lethallin.”

The fear demon continued to taunt them. Ghewen mentally prepared herself, because eventually it would attack her. She tried to ignore the shaking of her hands.

\----  
She looked at Solas, puzzled. The fear demon had spoken to him, but it did not make much sense. Solas spoke of traveling alone, so who has he lost?  


Her love looked back at her, as if he sensed her gaze. She sent him a questioning look, but he shook his head and continued.  
\--------

**“Such heavy responsibilities lie on your shoulders Inquisitor.”**

Vayla hesitated, for a moment, before hardening her face. There were no demons or spiders to attack but the group watched her carefully.

**“The First of the Clan. Tell me, Inquisitor, have you abandoned them?”**

Ghewen glared up at the ‘sky’. This demon was beginning to get on her nerves. She took Vayla’s side and her friend looked at her gratefully. “I have not! They support and fight at my side, in person and in spirit!”

It spoke again, changing its tactic. **“You have so much power, Inquisitor, think of what you can do with it.”**

“You cannot corrupt me, demon.” 

**“Oh no, it will not be I who corrupts you. You will corrupt yourself. All that power at your disposal.”**

Ghewen watched her friend clench her fists and even out her breathing.

**“Imagine Inquisitor! You can raise your people up! Unite them, Return them to glory! Make the humans pay for what they've suffered!”**

“To what end?” Vayla stopped, the group halting alongside her. “There is no glory in death and destruction!”

**“They will sing your praises! Make you a GOD!”**

“I don’t want to be a god!” Vayla screamed. “The Dalish may be feared and hated but they are happy! We are spread out, but are already united as a people!”

**“Such confidence. But tell me Inquisitor, are ALL your people truly united? The Dalish grow pathetic and brittle as they reject their own kind. In the end, they will only fall apart.”**

Vayla refused to respond. She huffed, looked at all of us, and signaled us to move on.

The demons words hanging over her head.  
\----  
Ghewen licked her lips.

“Nervous?”

She glanced at Solas before nodding her head. “Yes, there is only three of us left.”

“Ma vhenan?”

She breathed in shakily. “I know what he will say. I am not scared. I am safe.”

She felt his eyes look into her. “Safe? Ghewen what is it you-”

“Prepare yourselves! More spiders ahead!”

**“She told you to run.”**

Ghewen froze, her heart stopped. What were spiders had manifested as men wearing Templar armor and familiar faces. She felt a hand on her back but could not move. Voices seemed to become hard to hear as they came towards her. As they moved closer, she attacked automatically – trying to keep her distance.

**“But you couldn't run fast enough could you?”**

“-vhenan, Ghewen!” She screeched when one got too close, striking her spirit blade into its chest. Sound rushed back to her, suddenly everything was moving too fast. She muttered ‘emma eth’ under her breathe- repeatedly. 

“Ghewen! They are not real! They can't hurt you!” Vayla screamed, the Inquisitor inched herself closer to her. She fought desperately. The sooner they are gone, the sooner they disappear. She is safe. She is safe.

**“Their hands, all over you.”**

They all seemed to be coming towards her, branding iron in hand.

**“Touching you.”**

Moving faster, to close, to close.

**“In you.”**

“Shut up.” She whimpered. “I am past this. Emma eth, emma eth!”

**“Tainting you.”**

“Emma eth! I am safe! I am safe!”

**“The Dalish? They didn’t save you.”**

_“LIES!”_

**“You were branded.”**

She gasped. 

**“Emotionless.”**

A hand on her shoulder, she looks to it. His blue eyes staring into her. He is so close. 

**“Tranquil.”**

“I am here! You are safe. Do not let it have hold over you Ghewen!” 

Creators, she feels numb. Numbness everywhere but where he touches. She bites her tongue until it bleeds, feeling a rush as she felt the pain. She calls her magic to form her blade. 

“Tranquil cannot fear!” She snarled as she attacked ferociously. “Tranquil cannot feel pain!” 

“I feel FEAR and PAIN, but I do not fear you! Garas Harellan, I will kill you!” She roared as she stabbed into the last of the men. 

She could hear it, in his voice, once again. He calls out to her for help. The blood dripping out of his mouth, the exact same spot, his hand holding onto her torn dress – the exact same spot. The light died in his eyes, his hand slips, and he is dead. 

They continue on, no one willing to speak while her eyes remain wild with emotion.  


\------  


The demon whispered, time to time, to her – to the others. They were hardened now. They continued and in the end, she felt victorious. 

Then that giant, disgusting spider returned. They had managed to get through – all except three. The seconds after, tortuous, but then – clarity. 

A good man died that day.  
\-----  


Ghewen watched as Herah greeted her husband. Shok held his spouse tightly. She imagined he whispered his fears to her. When she kissed him then spoke, she was reassuring him. 

She made her way to the stables, hoping to spend time with her Hart. She just wanted to clear her mind. 

“Ghewen.” 

She turned to see Solas. He twitched his head towards Skyhold. With a sigh, she changed her direction.  


They reached his study. He paused and offered his hand. She gave a small smile. “Are you being my charming prince right now?” She took his hand.  
“I’m afraid I would make an unusual prince.” He responded as he led her to the couch. "I've heard that they all have fantastic hair. Unfortunately, I lack such a thing." They sat and remained in silence for a moment. He tugged on her hand lightly and she moved onto his lap. She curled close to herself and to him. His arms wrapping around her. 

“You once told me that your clan saved you.” 

“Yes.” 

A kiss pressed against her forehead. She closed her eyes and relaxed her head on his shoulder. “It was a long time ago.” 

“You still fear it.” He stated. 

“I will always remember.” Ghewen shuddered as she recalled the hands on her. “My mother left the Dalish when she found love with a city elf. Nearly half a year before they decided to have a family. I was born and nine years later, my magic started to manifest. My father and mother returned to the forest, hoping to find a Dalish clan. However, they had moved on, so they kept searching. They wanted the best for me. They wanted to watch me grow.” 

Ghewen fiddled with his necklace. “I don't remember where we ended up when the Templars came. We were staying in a village and I guess someone saw me doing magic or overheard my parents talking about it. Father stayed to hold them off. My mother led me to a forest. Perhaps they had traveled there because they knew the Dalish were there. Maybe there were no circles nearby. I don't really know.” 

She stopped and tried to curl deeper into him. She felt safe, away from bad memories. She may have faced them again in the Fade – but it will always be a bad stain in her mind. “They caught her. She fought them hard enough to give me a chance to escape. I wasn't fast enough. You can guess what happens after.” 

“Yes.” 

Silence. Solas tightened his grip on her. She could almost feel his anger and worry in the air. 

“Do you know why they wanted you tranquil?” 

Ghewen shrugged. “More obedient? Doesn't fight back? Because I am an elf? I never think of the why. All I know is that they took something from me. They took something beautiful and tainted it with their evil.” 

She sighed. “I took it back, in my own way. I don’t let what they did to me ruin me. It does not mean I am over it. It’s just…in the Fade…it became real again.” 

“We all had to face something, ma vhenan. We are stronger for it.” 

She stayed with Solas, for the rest of the day, thinking back on the events in the Fade. She tried to talk to him about his experience. He shook his head and brushed it off. 

Then she remembered the tombstones. 

She feared being emotionless. He feared dying alone. 

Everyone has fears. Some have had scars left behind because of that fear. They have faced and triumphed, fallen into, and pushed their way out. 

She is strong. She is afraid. She is vulnerable and she shares. He won’t. He feels strong, but there is a weakness there. She won’t push. 

_Will she regret that one day?_ She wondered but closed her eyes and dozed off in his arms. 

Safe, loved, and scarred. 

**Author's Note:**

> Shok Adaar - He used to be part of the Qun. Born into, leashed, mouth sewn shut, dangerous thing. He was on a mission with a scouting group when they were attacked by humans. It was unexpected - most of his group died. His Arvaarad ordered him to die. He was already wounded so he passed out before he could do anything. Herah saved him. Convinced him to stay alive in exchange of learning of her world and her of his. [Herah is a qunari, but not born of the Qun]. He believed in certain parts of the Chantry's religion. Which is why he is quoting random snippets. Saarebas named himself Shok, which means struggle. He will always find his magic a struggle to live with, but with his wife is his mountain. He feels as if he is put a single tree below her might. So the idea of failing her - in anyway, even unintentionally, is enough to snap him out of his fear.
> 
> Vayla - She was meant to be the First of her clan. When the conclave happened, she really had no choice but to help lead the Inquisition as the Herald. Then she felt as if she had to take up the mantle of Inquisitor because of what she's done and what she can do. She had the power to help people. Perhaps even her people. It is why the fear demon twisted that idea. She does fear how much power she has at that point. When she talks about united people, he unravels that. Another fear - she is afraid the Dalish will fall apart. And a flaw, she didn't even consider city elves as her people. Which is why ALL is emphasized. The reason why his first attempt failed is because she didn't fear it. It was simply a thought that already been reassured. With Ghewen there - it made her more resistant to it.
> 
> Ghewen - is more self-exclamatory. Even if she has worked past it, she is afraid of the memory itself. Hence the demon projected her rapists attacking her in the Fade. With a branding iron - with the symbol for the tranquil. She repeats to herself that she is safe, because it is what the Dalish hunters had told her when they saved her. It is what the Keeper told her as she grew up. If the demon hadn't said things such as "They touched you, tainted you" She probably wouldn't have been as afraid. However, he made her recall their touch. Her feelings on the subject. Ghewen is very open about sex, she didn't let her past ruin intimacy [whether sexual or not] for her. So to see Solas touching her, even if she's currently feeling tainted and numb, reminds her that she feels him. She bites her tongue, because she feels pain. And while I'm sure tranquil can feel pain, they don't react to it. Anyways, near the end, she is not talking only about having her virginity taken - but her innocence as well.
> 
> Some Language:  
> Parshaara - enough  
> Emma eth - I am safe.  
> Garas Harellan - Come, Trickster
> 
> I really do wish there was more there in the game. Fear is something we overcome. Whether its immediate or not. Being in a Fear Demons DOMAIN. I would imagine it would throw a lot more than petty words. And since the Inquisitor is so pure, she would be able to pull her companions out of it. Though I suppose Solas would work through it alone either way. It would have been interesting to see companions talking to other companions while the demon taunts them.


End file.
